Today I woke up in a fog The same as yesterday And it covers everything And I don’t know what to say My life is just drifting Floating away The cycle of a washing machine It’s day after day I’m too tired to move Let me give in to the pain Please don’t come to save me You’ll get soaked from all the rain I woke up in a fog The same as yesterday And it covers everything And I don’t know what to say I know how to live But I can’t follow through My body’s betrayed me And my good days are few I try to be better But I’m pushing a rock It keeps tumbling down My time’s on the clock I woke up in a fog The same as yesterday And it covers everything And I don’t know what to say

When I was just a little boy With no ambition but a brand new toy I stumbled into Satan’s den Well in truth I was led there by a friend But in the night I felt the heat It was something I don’t wish to repeat And the lilacs smelled so sweet And the lilacs smelled so sweet Be still be still be still What could tomorrow kill Be still be still be still I think I’ve had my fill I’m increasingly aware of long falls and busy roads I’m increasingly aware of the fragility of my bones I drank and drank and drank until I felt like a rolling stone All I want is to be left alone All I want is to be left alone I walked unknowing with the devil’s mark But I knew enough to avoid the dark But even now in the summer sun As God Himself meets me one on one I knew it was twisted up inside With my heart and head and soul all tied And I’ll never know why And I’ll never know why Be still be still be still What could tomorrow kill Be still be still be still I think I’ve had my fill I’m increasingly aware of long falls and busy roads I’m increasingly aware of the fragility of my bones I drank and drank and drank until I felt like a rolling stone All I want is to be left alone All I want is to be left alone But even when I knew God was a lie Or at least what He had wanted to try I couldn’t calm down just the same Life’s a bitch but it’s still a game I looked and looked for the missing part And I thought your touch would unlock my heart But instead it made it all fall apart But instead it made it all fall apart Be still be still be still What could tomorrow kill Be still be still be still I think I’ve had my fill I’m increasingly aware of long falls and busy roads I’m increasingly aware of the fragility of my bones I drank and drank and drank until I felt like a rolling stone All I want is to be left alone All I want is to be left alone The pain we feel transcends all time But it doesn’t mean anything divine So I’ll keep avoiding busy streets And write my progress on a messy sheet So they can know I got pretty far And I’ll try not to jump in front of a car Sometimes a scar is just a scar Sometimes a scar is just a scar Be still be still be still What could tomorrow kill Be still be still be still I think I’ve had my fill I’m increasingly aware of long falls and busy roads I’m increasingly aware of the fragility of my bones I drank and drank and drank until I felt like a rolling stone All I want is to be left alone All I want is to be left alone

I get in bed hot I wake up cold I think I’m sick My heart feels old Eyes are slammed shut My face is meek Take a deep sigh Just one more week Life’s a long list of failures Each one’s got me blue I want to get the ending right But I’ll probably mess that up too How many people will show up To see me cold in a box? Probably not too many I won’t care below the rocks Life’s a long list of failures Each one’s got me blue I want to get the ending right But I’ll probably mess that up too Fragments of songs Scraps of the note I hate what I am I don’t want to float Take a deep dive Or just hang out Make sure to say goodbye That's what it’s all about! Life’s a long list of failures Each one’s got me blue I want to get the ending right But I’ll probably mess that up too

Wrote out my life story in a book Just one little nudge is all it took Walked with a hole in my heart Detached from people, soul ripped apart He spoke to me with whispers and hints A tortured mind still too innocent I saw things I never could have said My feet a hundred miles from my head One summer I fell off the earth Never again for what it’s worth Old wounds filled with salt I can’t help but think it’s all my fault In the forest demons on the ridge Three holes the door, the gate, the bridge One summer I fell off the earth Never again for what it’s worth One summer I fell off the earth Never again for what it’s worth

Weatherman says a cold day’s coming, it’s frigid in my head Woke up six times last night, still can’t get out of bed Dried blood underneath my nails, I picked my skin until it bled Coin toss if I’ll get through the week, scared I’ll end up dead Every day's just a little bit harder Little bit harder Little bit harder Every day's just a little bit harder One day I’m going to break Let me rot in these sheets, it’s all just too much to bear Scalp is stinging again, pulling scabs out of my hair Stomach screaming like a gull, I forgot to eat my share Body aches like it was broken, I can’t really care Every day's just a little bit harder Little bit harder Little bit harder Every day's just a little bit harder One day I’m going to break How many breakdowns before I tell them? How many bad days before it’s life? How many failures before I am one? How many nightmares before it’s real? Every day's just a little bit harder Little bit harder Little bit harder Every day's just a little bit harder One day I’m going to break

My girlfriend dragged me to church She wanted to help me find some peace I figured it had been a while And I could use some calm The pastor started speaking Calling out to us But as soon as he spoke your name I felt the blood drain from my face My fingers clenched in fear Palms dripping and heart beating fast The floor began to move under my feet He spoke louder now Calling the people to submit to you Said that you were all the guidance we could ever need I could barely think then Paralyzed by fear I wanted to run but I knew there was nowhere to go I had given myself up to you I had walked deep into that forest How could you be good with all you had done to me? Was that what love was? Should I have given in to you? I am scared of what I do not know But I know enough to never come back to you I was weak and you twisted me into knots I almost fainted as the pastor finished Bright lights danced before my eyes Just hearing your name was enough to hurt me I’ll never go back I’ll never go back Your hands were around my throat Even now I'm barely afloat

I worked at the beach that summer Flipping burgers to pass the time And at the top of the hill I found Something truly divine A door that led out into the grass It smelled like freedom and water I wanted to walk right through it And escape to someplace calmer A world where everyone loved me My thoughts would all go away My dream girl would be by my side Gorgeous sunsets everyday Life would be easy and fair There was no questioning “when” Dreaming of a better truth Our lives would be happy again I got lost in the fantasy Getting away from it all It was better to die in a lie Than know I wouldn’t make it to fall I would hide when it got too bad My head a raging war I wanted it more than anything But I never walked through that door A world where everyone loved me My thoughts would all go away My dream girl would be by my side Gorgeous sunsets everyday Life would be easy and fair There was no questioning “when” Dreaming of a better truth Our lives would be happy again Never walked through Never walked through Never walked through Never walked through Never walked through Never walked through A world where everyone loved me My thoughts would all go away My dream girl would be by my side Gorgeous sunsets everyday Life would be easy and fair There was no questioning “when” Dreaming of a better truth Our lives would be happy again

Please speak softly I am so afraid Please be quiet I want to go away Blankets protect me I want it all to end I will live with this forever I am seven again Please speak softly I am so afraid Please be quiet I want to go away When she touched me I only felt his hand All I can do is cry I will never be a man Please speak softly I am so afraid Please be quiet I want to go away

It’s in our homes we find the coldest night Where evil can be hidden from the light Below mine I found a portal to hell And below yours I found Satan himself I think I’ve found the root of it all When life was simple and the days seemed to fall At my lowest I come back to that day You saw him over me and turned away Below my house I found a gate to Hell Where it ended I could never tell Below my house I found a gate to Hell Where it ended I could never tell The Gate was just cement and the truth a nightmare Both trapped my head between a rock and a snare I first hurt myself in that hole I felt the devil’s heat in my soul Below my house I found a gate to Hell Where it ended I could never tell Below my house I found a gate to Hell Where it ended I could never tell The worst part about this sore Is that I know you feel it more Even though I hate you for showing me your truth Could I have saved your youth? Below my house I found a gate to Hell Where it ended I could never tell Below my house I found a gate to Hell Where it ended I could never tell

I come to you on another lonely night I want you to hold me and tell me it’ll be alright I know you're in my head but that’s never stopped me yet You are me and I am you but you’re not so set Cynthia Oh Cynthia Cynthia What is this pain I’m in? Cynthia Oh Cynthia Cynthia I’m uneasy in this skin I try to bring her out when I’m back to the waking world I try to be confident but it’s all a lie The lie falls apart when it’s just the two of us The words I say come out like an avalanche “I’m sorry that I’m scared to sleep next to you I’m sorry that I cried and ran from the room” I don’t want to hurt myself again I don’t want to be your buried friend Cynthia Oh Cynthia Cynthia What is this pain I’m in? Cynthia Oh Cynthia Cynthia I’m uneasy in this skin I don’t want to become any closer to you I don’t even know what would make it any good Everyday I wish that I had fought or screamed or cried But as I lay I was frozen paralyzed I am trying to describe something that cannot be described A feeling so raw and hurting I don’t want to be alive I hate living with this awful ugly truth Why did he have to steal my fragile youth? Cynthia Oh Cynthia Cynthia What is this pain I’m in? Cynthia Oh Cynthia Cynthia I’m uneasy in this skin

Right close to my house If you walk into the forest You’ll find a bridge made of concrete and fear Train tracks cover the top And trees shroud the pathway But I always know where to look What I found in the summer sun I’ve known this place my entire life I’ve watched it age and change The graffiti gets painted over time and time again But it still creeps along the walls The train screams over the tracks It’s louder than I could ever yell I would go up there just to feel the power as it shot across the bridge As I fell deeper into myself I found out how to cross over Holes that would take me to heaven I pulled away from everyone close One by one I ruled them out The gate’s too close and the door too open Running away to my final destination So of course it ended at the bridge I was scared at first of course But that faded quickly I walked with a hole inside my soul so deep I couldn't think I made plan after plan Wrote too many things down The finale has to be the best part of the show The signs were getting stronger then I could almost hear Him speak it The path before me kept getting shorter and shorter There was such a serene peace in knowing In those few hours I felt total calm It wasn’t bad or exciting Just complete acceptance I stopped believing in God after He told me to kill myself Maybe it was just delusion but how could I ever know Maybe it was an act of God that I didn’t do it But I’m tired of giving credit to ghosts